This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
