If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
