Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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