We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
