You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
