He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I did not marry a roomba.
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