You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
