can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
