we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
