If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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