and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I lost the right to judge tonight
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
