she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
