You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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