About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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