At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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