I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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