I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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