dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
