i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
