I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
