Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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