Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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