I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is wine microwaveable?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
