not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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