Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
