Please, let me fuck your mom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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