i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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