A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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