Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
