phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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