Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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