I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They took my balls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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