eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
