Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
