im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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