I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
