i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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