Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
