At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
