Can i not drive my cunt home
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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