sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
