I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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