nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
