oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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