I'm going to jail i love you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
