tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
