He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
