took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am midnight drunk by noon
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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