for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
