____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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