Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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