great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
