I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
