Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
