She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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