so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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