What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
