You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude