Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.