why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS