allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.