I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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