"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
