iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
