what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
