Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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