The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
