I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
