Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
there is puke in my bra ... again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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