If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
