do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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