i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
